holding on to the dream

there is a state-wide meeting at our denominational headquarters this week.  i haven’t been able to make it to one of the meetings and, frankly, i’m not heart-broken over it.  i love my colleagues and relish the opportunity to see them, but these meetings have become just too awkward for me.  one of the reasons is that i’ve adopted a liberating ritual that seems to be off-putting to my peers.  when someone asks the question, “how’s your church doing?” (an exceedingly common occurrence at these confabulations), the customary response is to stand up straight, puff out ones chest, paste on a smile, and say “great!” like tony the tiger.  i, however,  have transgressed convention.  i have resolved to tell the truth.

it feels great to me.  everyone else seems to have a problem with it.

when one of the brethren asks, “how’s your church doin’, randy?”  i usually say, “not very well.”  or if i know the person well or am feeling especially naughty, i’ll say, “it sucks.”  i might be overstating slightly, but the reactions i get are priceless and vary wildly.  after a pregnant pause (which is typical…i’ve found that candor catches preachers off guard), some grin, slap me on the back, and say, “no, really…” or “you’re such a kidder.”  others are quite taken back.  i get the sense that their first impulse is to clasp my head in their hands and begin casting out devils.  i’ve had a couple look at the floor and say, “yeah, man, i know what you mean.”

imagine my relief when i saw the article in the new issue of time entitled, “Yes, I Suck: Self-Help Through Negative Thinking.”   this article, written by john cloud, suggests that norman vincent peale was all wet.

A study just published in the journal Psychological Science says trying to get people to think more positively can actually have the opposite effect: it can simply highlight how unhappy they are.

The study’s authors, Joanne Wood and John Lee of the University of Waterloo and Elaine Perunovic of the University of New Brunswick, begin with a common-sense proposition: when people hear something they don’t believe, they are not only often skeptical but adhere even more strongly to their original position. A great deal of psychological research has shown this, but you need look no further than any late-night bar debate you’ve had with friends: when someone asserts that Sarah Palin is brilliant, or that the Yankees are the best team in baseball, or that Michael Jackson was not a freak, others not only argue the opposing position, but do so with more conviction than they actually hold. We are an argumentative species.

And so we constantly argue with ourselves. Many of us are reluctant to revise our self-judgment, especially for the better. In 1994, the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology published a paper showing that when people get feedback that they believe is overly positive, they actually feel worse, not better. If you try to tell your dim friend that he has the potential of an Einstein, he won’t think he’s any smarter; he will probably just disbelieve your contradictory theory, hew more closely to his own self-assessment and, in the end, feel even dumber. In one fascinating 1990s experiment demonstrating this effect — called cognitive dissonance in official terms — a team including psychologist Joel Cooper of Princeton asked participants to write hard-hearted essays opposing funding for the disabled. When these participants were later told they were compassionate, they felt even worse about what they had written.

now i know why my colleagues panic when they get anything other than a glowing report: they need people to help them prop up their optimistic delusion.  and they’re afraid i might be telling the truth.

let me say that i am not unhappy.  i am doing god’s will and i am quite content (after all, i own a harley).  but i think it’s hilarious that people are actually offended when i suggest i am something less than overwhelmingly successful.  rather than admit that my church is not growing and that, in fact, we are smaller than we were last year, it’s better for everyone concerned if i lie.  and when i cheerfully own my situation, people get offended.  the state of denial is a warm, comfortable place in which to live. 

by the way, how’s your church doing?

what did you call me?

this morning, my friend david called me a “neo-luddite.“  so i immediately went to the office and looked it up. 

the luddites were bands of workers in England who were organized by ned ludd in the early 19th century to destroy textile manufacturing machinery.  the luddites were convinced that the use of the new “high tech” machinery threatened their jobs.

neo-luddism is a term that (according to wikipedia) is often deployed by advocates of technology to describe persons or organizations that resist technological advances.  of course, i am not a neo-luddite, but it seems to me that there are several good reasons to be one, among them are the loss of privacy–the big brother factor–and the frenetic pace of life.  but my biggest problem with the encroachment of technology (as i’ve previously written here and here) is the tragic and inevitable erosion of community.

some time back, i read (and i can’t for the life of me remember where) a poignant and graphic account of the malady i am describing. 

as the american west opened up to settlers, families would move onto a section of land, stake their claim, register their claim with the county, and begin scratching a living out of the dirt.  they would pick out a prime spot in the center of their land and build a dwelling (and we cherish a similarly romantic, modern-day notion: “i’ve got no neighbors within eyesight”).  it didn’t take long, however, for the isolation of this type of existence to become maddening–we’ve all seen the images of lonely pioneer families with haunted, almost crazed looks in their eyes.  also, it didn’t take long for settlers to learn the lesson of their predecessors, and they began building their homes closer to the corner of their property, within proximity of their neighbors, so they could enjoy the benfits of community (fellowship, sharing of duties, assistance in crisis, etc).

is it possible that the trend toward social networking is taking us back to that place of desolation and neurosis? 

for the most part, technology is a wonderful thing.  i contend, however, that in many cases the cost is simply too great.  my young friends argue that theirs is a community, just a different one than  i am used to.  granted, but the anonymity afforded in virtual relationships will simply not allow us to attain the level of honesty and accountability necessary for spiritual growth.  from time-to-time, i need the warmth of a handclasp, the release of shared laughter, and the tension of someone looking me in the eye and asking about my prayer life.

and sometimes it requries more than 140 characters.

so call me a neo-luddite if you like, just so long as i can still qualify to be called “disciple.”

on a personal note

not that you care, but…

i finally got a bike!  it might be the dreaded mid-life crisis (or it could be that we’re seeing the first signs of dementia), but i’ve wanted a harley for years and i finally got me one (that’s how we say it in oklahoma).  a couple of months ago i ran across a great deal on an ‘06 road king.  it is pristine (7800 miles) and strong with a stage-one kit and samson pipes.  and (blessing upon blessing!) my wife loves it.  i am the world’s most fortunate man.  except that now i have to update the “someday i’ll own a harley” part of my about me page.

speaking of my wife…

today we celebrate 33 years of marital bliss perseverance.  we’ve had some great years (’78…’89…’93…’01 was especially good) but, honestly, i have only recently learned to be a husband.  for lack of a better idea, though, we stuck it out and god has been uber faithful.  besides being a great wife, jaycene has been a superlative ministry partner for 25 years.

and, finally, i’m really looking forward to vacation in a couple of weeks.  i plan to blog while i’m away, but i’ll probably get completely self-immersed and never think about my commitment to you, my faithful readers.

that’s just the kind of guy i am.

this is NOT about politics…

i decided from the outset not to comment on the whole. sordid mark sanford mess.  i was surprised, though, 1.) by the candor of jenny (the senator’s wife) sanford’s comments, and 2.) by the vitriolic response they provoked.

DISCLAIMER:  i may be naive, but i am giving ms. sanford the benefit of the doubt.  i am assuming that she is being forthright and that her comments represent how she really feels.  i am choosing to attach no presumption of pretense, politics, irony, or marketing spin.

in that light, here is her statement in its entirety:  

I would like to start by saying I love my husband and I believe I have put forth every effort possible to be the best wife I can be during our almost twenty years of marriage. As well, for the last fifteen years my husband has been fully engaged in public service to the citizens and taxpayers of this state and I have faithfully supported him in those efforts to the best of my ability. I have been and remain proud of his accomplishments and his service to this state.

I personally believe that the greatest legacy I will leave behind in this world is not the job I held on Wall Street, or the campaigns I managed for Mark, or the work I have done as First Lady or even the philanthropic activities in which I have been routinely engaged. Instead, the greatest legacy I will leave in this world is the character of the children I, or we, leave behind. It is for that reason that I deeply regret the recent actions of my husband Mark, and their potential damage to our children.

I believe wholeheartedly in the sanctity, dignity and importance of the institution of marriage. I believe that has been consistently reflected in my actions. When I found out about my husband’s infidelity I worked immediately to first seek reconciliation through forgiveness, and then to work diligently to repair our marriage. We reached a point where I felt it was important to look my sons in the eyes and maintain my dignity, self-respect, and my basic sense of right and wrong. I therefore asked my husband to leave two weeks ago.

This trial separation was agreed to with the goal of ultimately strengthening our marriage. During this short separation it was agreed that Mark would not contact us. I kept this separation quiet out of respect of his public office and reputation, and in hopes of keeping our children from just this type of public exposure. Because of this separation, I did not know where he was in the past week.

I believe enduring love is primarily a commitment and an act of will, and for a marriage to be successful, that commitment must be reciprocal. I believe Mark has earned a chance to resurrect our marriage.

Psalm 127 states that sons are a gift from the Lord and children a reward from Him. I will continue to pour my energy into raising our sons to be honorable young men. I remain willing to forgive Mark completely for his indiscretions and to welcome him back, in time, if he continues to work toward reconciliation with a true spirit of humility and repentance.

This is a very painful time for us and I would humbly request now that members of the media respect the privacy of my boys and me as we struggle together to continue on with our lives and as I seek the wisdom of Solomon, the strength and patience of Job and the grace of God in helping to heal my family.

we could spend hours discussing the role of women in politics, christian women in politics, women in culture, christian women in culture, christian women in marriage, etc.  and we have.  ad nauseum.  i have to say, though, that i was mightily impressed by the courage and composure in this lady’s demeanor.  i am hard pressed to find any part of her position that might be vulnerable to criticism.  as usual, i underestimate the capacity for meanness in our culture.  here is a small sample of the hundreds of comments on jenny sanford’s statement:

You had me until you started quoting the bible Mrs. Sanford. This is what is wrong with the GOP. They can quote scripture all they want but God didn’t stop Mr. Sanford from cheating and you won’t get through this relying on the Holy Bible. Scripture didn’t serve your marriage then and it won’t serve you now. Seeking the wisdom of Solomon is what your base wants to hear, I know. But what someone wrote years after Solomon died are not Solomon’s actual words and an educated woman as yourself should know. If turning to fables helps then so be it, but if you really want to get through this with your kids in tact, you need a real life confidant, professional handler, family and friends, but best of all, a killer lawyer.

“Psalm 127 states that sons are a gift from the Lord and children a reward from Him.” So what are daughters – chopped liver ?

Oh please. Maybe if she wasn’t such a stuck-up bible-quoting holier-than-thou who thinks she gets to decide who can get married (and who cannot), her husband might not have had to seek the comfort of another woman. Ever think of that, lady?

 …smooth talk, lady, but you’re crazy.  Cut him loose!!

I would love just one time for a woman in this situation to stand up and say, “Hell, no, I don’t stand by him!!”

So the recipe is this:  Be as big a slimeball as you want and then, when you get caught, just start quoting the Bible.  I’m a Christian, and this is exactly why I don’t go around telling people that.  Because the folks who’ve taken over the GOP and Conservative movement and make the most noise calling themselves Christians and only using their religion as an excuse for all their crummy behavior.  These “Christians” don’t have a CLUE what the words means.

Yet another women with low self-esteem married to an elected official who can’t keep his pants on.  I would much rather hear from nothing from these wives than their line of crap which nothing from these wives which is nothing more than PR.  Go get some therapy and save us from your humiliation.  These wives are enablers

These things would happen less frequently if women would give their husbands the type of good time that they gave them before they were married.   

i don’t know…am i making too much of this?  are my expectations skewed?  it’s not that i’m surprised to “discover” that pagans act like pagans, it’s just that we’ve grown so suspicious and unpleasant.  

i sure hope ms. sanford has some friends who are christ-followers and will walk with her through this dark time.

my thoughts on reverse racism

since i started blogging sixteen months ago, my worldview has shifted gradually yet drastically.   the main reason for this shift, i think, is the people i have allowed to influence me:  people like francis chan, jeff lucas, doug hollis (missionary to indonesia), and jim and jody smith (missionaries to china).  these people have introduced me to new way of looking at life.  i am still very focused on pursuing the kingdom and on learning what it means to be a citizen of the kingdom (the foundational concept of ”your best life later”), but i sense that i have become quite impatient–perhaps even hyper-critical–of christian leaders who live nominal christian lives.  i realize that i am cloistered in the bible belt, but i see very few christian leaders who are laying their lives down for the gospel, and calling people to follow them in that lifestyle.

which brings me to today’s topic of discussion. 

micah campbell is a choice friend who reads and occasionally comments on my blog.  on my recent post on racism, micah made the following comment…

Now I might get in trouble for this, but does anyone else feel the tide of reverse discrimination/racism? From affirmative action to impending Caucasian minority status, there sometimes seems to be an unfair standard. Maybe I’m just jaded, but I get tired of having to be politically correct while newscasters increasingly over-pronounce their last name to show their ethnic background and every other month is such and such appreciation month. I guess what I’m saying is, why isn’t equal simply equal?

i tell him he’s a cynic, but micah is a passionate young man who is striving mightily to become christlike.  i am not condemning him because i certainly relate to what he is saying, and similar feelings often rise up in me.  the simple truth, though, is that when i feel marginalized and put upon, i am made aware that i have not embraced the idea of death to self.  if there is one truism jesus demonstrated more than any other, it is that we surrender our rights when we become followers of jesus.  please allow me to say that again.  slowly.  we…surrender…our…rights.  all of them.  we no longer have rights.  jesus allowed himself to be ripped off, exploited, denounced, slandered, falsely accused, arrested, mocked, beaten, and crucified with no resistance whatsoever.  and, if i recall correctly, he said, “follow me.”

and we get upset when we are treated unfairly.

in the brand-new issue of catalyst leadership there is a compelling article called “mangoes, money, and the abundant life” by fred elliot-hart, formerly a medical missionary to jamaica.  he talks about the perspective on money/giving he developed from living in that third-world culture.  i was especially moved by one part of this story:

Living with and seeing “brothers in need” and responding by giving what I have–skills, expertise, time, money, myself–comes at a cost.  Yet, what Christian can afford to cling stubbornly to supposed personal rights even as the Holy Spirit cried “Give! Give!”?  The greatest stress associated with living in sight of a brother in need is not giving in to the Holy Spirit’s call to die to ourselves.

the more i know jesus, the more comfortable i become with the idea of death.  and i fall more in love with the idea of “kingdom.”  and i become more and more confident in his promises concerning my life and my future.  and the less enamored i am with my alleged “rights.”

revisiting the desperation of fame

i have never done this and am reluctant to do it now, but i am going to resubmit an article for your consideration.  i posted it almost a year ago and, remarkably, the topic has resurfaced (besides the fact that i worked really hard on it and almost no one read it).  check back tomorrow for something fresh.

 

a huge sports story broke over the weekend that totally substantiates the “your best life later” concept.  i apologize in advance for the sports reference if you are not a fan (and if brett favre happens to be reading this, i’m not necessarily talking about you, sir).

it seems that a veteran nfl quarterback (who will go unnamed) has “unretired” after retiring at the end of last season amid much congratulatory hoopla.  in the city where said quarterback spent his entire career (it might be green bay, i’m just not saying), much speculation has transpired about favre’s this quarterback’s motivation and how the team might fare without him.  in an article in the minneapolis/st. paul star tribune, former teammate darren sharper described his reaction when he heard back in march that the quarterback had retired:

“I’m not completely sold that he is going to retire,” Sharper told KFAN Radio at the time. “Come midsummer, when everyone starts talking football and he’s done about four months worth of fishing and playing golf, it wouldn’t be a surprise to hear speculation that Brett Favre (sorry, mr. favre) might be coming out of retirement.”

“As long as you are playing at a high level, it’s hard to give it up,” Sharper said.

we have not heard from this veteran quarterback directly, so we can only speculate about his motivation for unretiring.  we have, however, heard from the team, his agent, fellow players, countless fans, and hordes of media.  there is a party very close to the situation, however, whom we have not heard from. i wonder how the famous man’s wife and children (two daughters, ages 19 & 9) feel about his unretirement?

“gee, dad, i don’t blame you for being bored…you spent almost a whole summer with us.”

i remember having the same questions when michael jordan retired then played baseball then came back to basketball then bought a team.  what are you looking for?  a zillion dollars isn’t enough?  why don’t you take your wife on an extended (very extended) vacation?  is the applause more important?  is your life that empty? is that what they mean when they say you’re “competitive”?

while i certainly can’t speak to what these great athletes are feeling, solomon could.  listen to what he wrote in ecclesiastes (various passages):

I denied myself nothing my eyes desired; 
       I refused my heart no pleasure. 
       My heart took delight in all my work, 
       and this was the reward for all my labor.

Yet when I surveyed all that my hands had done 
       and what I had toiled to achieve, 
       everything was meaningless, a chasing after the wind; 
       nothing was gained under the sun.

So I hated life, because the work that is done under the sun was grievous to me. All of it is meaningless, a chasing after the wind. I hated all the things I had toiled for under the sun, because I must leave them to the one who comes after me.

There was a man all alone; 
       he had neither son nor brother. 
       There was no end to his toil, 
       yet his eyes were not content with his wealth. 
       “For whom am I toiling,” he asked, 
       “and why am I depriving myself of enjoyment?” 
       This too is meaningless— 
       a miserable business!

Whoever loves money never has money enough; 
       whoever loves wealth is never satisfied with his income. 
       This too is meaningless.

Enjoy life with your wife, whom you love, all the days of this meaningless life that God has given you under the sun— all your meaningless days. For this is your lot in life and in your toilsome labor under the sun.

why is that so hard?  why is “success” so important to us?  why are we so in love with a life that god called “meaningless”?

i also cannot speak for other church leaders, but i suffer from a similar malady.  if my building is not full on sunday, i question god on monday.  if i’m not seeing the results i’m expecting (”can’t you see how hard i’m working, god? i’m way more talented than that guy.”), i begin a search for the latest church-growth gimmick.  why can’t i just enjoy my friends and my family and this great life the lord called me to?  i know the answer–i am sick with pride.

to one thing i can attest: the closer i get to jesus the quieter my spirit becomes.  i believe i will find satisfaction in him. i’m not saying that i will ever “arrive,” but i am convinced that the scratch to the deepest itch in my soul is more of jesus. 

maybe when the church believes that, the world will as well.

distinctions that destroy

just in case someone is checking this space daily with the hope of finding something inspirational and beneficial (pardon me while i fantasize), i apologize for my recent inconsistency.  it’s kind of a combination of things: my days have been unusually busy lately, my family has needed me, and i am not overcome with something profound to say.  if there’s something that you, my bloggy buddies, would like to talk about, just let me know.  i’ll be grateful for the input.

we talked about racism at our bible study last wednesday night.  in this part of the world (oklahoma), racism is prevalent.  for the most part, people are aware of the problem (even christian people), but are disinclined to deal with it.

is racism a problem where you live?

in my mind, the problem of racism shares a significant similarity with the problem of legalism.  if i’m not very careful, i sometimes default to my comfortable ol’ works-based faith.  you know, the feeling that god likes me more when i’m good…when i follow the rules (what an intimacy killer!).  the problem (and here’s the correlation between racism and legalism) is that it’s hard for me to differentiate between the truth and my upbringing.  my pastors and sunday school teachers all meant well, but they taught me a lot of things that were not biblical.  they called things “sin” that scripture doesn’t.  they defined christianity on the basis of negatives (”christians don’t do that and don’t go there”).  but those people loved me and i loved them.  and the things they taught me “felt” right.

so now i’m messed up.  i have to work very, very hard to separate the truth of teh bible from the “truth” of my upbringing.

people that suffer from racism are dealing with generations of prejudice.  they heard/saw people they love and respect categorize people based on those prejudices: “they’re all lazy” or “you can’t trust them” or “they make better ball players.”  those types of attitudes barely hide the hate just under the surface.  and those types of generalities simply don’t work in the kingdom.  paul wrote:

In Christ’s family there can be no division into Jew and non-Jew, slave and free, male and female. Among us you are all equal. That is, we are all in a common relationship with Jesus Christ. Also, since you are Christ’s family, then you are Abraham’s famous “descendant,” heirs according to the covenant promises. (galatians 3:28-29)

the distinctions we’ve worked hard to establish and maintain all these years…it’s time for them to go.

before twitter

garrison keillor on heresy

let me begin by apologizing to my regular readers (both of you) for my recent connectile dysfunction (”when a man is unable to maintain a connection”).  my parents have been visiting from california and i’ve been spending every spare moment with them.  my siblings are all in oklahoma, so my parents generally drive out every summer, make the obligatory round of visits, and then high-tail it back to the gorgeous weather.  while they were here, we celebrated my mom’s birthday (her 72nd) and their wedding anniversary (their 54th).  we had a great time and, as usual, i will have much to share with you, my bloggy-buddies, after filtering everything through my philosophical lens.  i know you are on the edge of your collective seats. 

before i embark on my freudian nightmare, though, i’d like to share a “thought for the day.”

i’ve recently begun reading liberty by garrison keillor and, like everything else he’s written, it is funny from page one.  keillor is one of the few authors who is able to make me laugh out loud.  for example, in the first chapter clint bunsen, chairman of the lake wobegon fourth of july celebration, is bemoaning the societal trend toward apathy in general, and his town’s lack of enthusiasm about indepence day in particular.  he says,

“Nobody cares about holidays anymore.  Which is why–and I’m only giving my opinion here–the country is so beset by government lies and corruption and everybody out for himself and to hell with the future–because those people grew up thinking the Fourth was just a day to lie around on the beach and toast your weenie.”

i don’t know, it just struck me as funny.  where was i?  ah, yes…the thought of the day.

i had a couple fairly deep conversations with my mom, and i got to thinking (as if i needed any prompting) about the state of the church.  i am astounded (i couldn’t think of a better adjective) at the things people believe.  or, at least, claim to believe.  i am genuinely troubled about some of the ridiculous notions passing themselves off as “doctrine.”  i cannot figure out where the people who are espousing these false teachings find a foundation/basis of any kind (and even as i write that, i know perfectly well where they get their ideas…they pick and choose scriptures, completely remove them from the comfort of their context, and say whatever might garner the most attention).  am i being cynical?

keillor has a wonderful line in the first few pages of liberty:

“Wobegonians as a rule consider it bad luck to be joyful, no matter what Scripture might say on the subject.”   

isn’t that so like us?  not the “joyful” part, but the “no matter what Scritpure might say on the subject” part. 

that’s it…that’s my “thought for the day.”

my brush with greatness

youtube is a beautiful thing.  one can spend (waste) hours being nostalgic.  i’m sure youtube will come in handy for me when i’m in the nursing home.  

i’m really anxious about confessing this, but i’ve lately rekindled a latent interest in southern gospel music.  youtube is filled with videos of gospel groups i remember from my youth. you know, hokey songs…over-the-top presentations…ridiculous clothes.  david spotts says i am pavlov’s dog…it stirs something deep within me i thought long dead.  

while i’m being transparent, i’ll tell you that i once traveled with a southern gospel group…the bus, matching suits, the whole nine yards (and, no, i don’t have any pictures). back in “the day” (early 70’s), i thought kenny hinson was the greatest singer on the planet.  in fact, i dug up some old videos of the hinsons on youtube and i’m once again a fan (in fact, watch a kenny hinson video and a vintage merle haggard video and they are almost interchangeable).  scores of gospel singers have tried to be “the next kenny hinson” but none come close.  kenny hinson died of cancer in 1995 at age 42 and the world lost an artist.

anyway, my recent youtube sojourn reminded me of a funny (embarrassing) story.

i was in a mall in oklahoma city back in the mid-70’s (i know, most of you weren’t born yet) at easter time.  i was standing looking at a display in a store window when i sensed someone standing next to me.  when i turned to look, i recognized ronnie hinson.  ”hey!” i said  (in his mind, he probably prepared to have adulation heaped upon him), “is kenny here, too?”  to his credit, he said, “i get that a lot…he is over at the video arcade.”

le mans screamed the flashing sign over door.  i walked in and prepared for an encounter with the world’s greatest singer (although i sometimes refer to aretha franklin as the world’s greatest singer.  or luther vandross.  but i digress).

it was easy to recognize kenny hinson from the rear.  he was standing at a game console, completely engrossed.  i stood quietly behind him until the machine flashed “game over” and i launched my plan.  i stepped up and dropped a quarter in the slot.  kenny hinson spun around and said, “what are you doing?” (frankly, not the greeting i had expected).  i smiled broadly and said, “i’m buying a game for my favorite gospel singer!” (i am fully expecting him to smile back and say something along the lines of, “hey, thanks.  let’s be best friends.”)  with his face totally devoid of expression, he said, “this maching only takes tokens.  you just ruined my game.”  he had to call the manager over to get the quarter out of the machine and start over.  i felt somewhat boob-like.

he was gracious, though, and we had a nice conversation.  while he played his game.  and that’s the story of my encounter with the world’s greatest singer (not named aretha franklin or luther vandross).