bad santa

today i engaged in a miserable annual ritual–i dressed up as santa for our daycare pictures.

i can’t figure out why…

1.) i’m always the one who has to play santa every year (it might be due to the fact that i have white hair, and when i laugh my little round belly shakes like a bowl full of jelly.  i refuse to be jolly, though.), and

2.) i always agree.

inevitably during this thrilling yuletide activity i am reminded once again that most parents are morons.

the toddlers seem to be terrified by the notion of sitting the lap of a huge man in the red suit, and most have a meltdown when they are handed over by their mothers.  poor santa pastes a smile on his face and tries feverishly to hold the shrieking, squirming youngster long enough for the photographer to get some semblance of a shot.  all the while, mom is standing in the background screaming her baby’s name and violently shaking a jingle bell.

that’ll be a great photo.

the older kids, on the other hand, are enthralled with the idea of visiting santa and eagerly crawl into his lap.  it seems, though, that they are not the slightest bit interested in a portrait.  they just want to carry on a conversation with saint nick while mom is insistently imploring her progeny to pose for a keepsake.  the little elf remains oblivious to his mother’s pleas.

some parents bring their entire brood, pile them on santa, and demand shot after shot until each of their children are possessed of angelic expressions while looking directly at the camera.  all four of them.

i actually heard one mother say, “i paid five dollars for this picture and, by god, i’m getting a picture!”

my wife put it quite succinctly when she said, “to drive a car you have to take a class, pass a test, and get a license…but any idiot can have a child? really?”

maybe the parents are not the ones with the problem.  maybe the gullible dork who puts on the santa suit year-after-year is the moron.




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