my soul melteth for heaviness

bear with me, cherished readers, while i squander this space (and your valuable time) for a short, but totally non-spiritual rant.

sam walton was the babe ruth of businessmen.  the mark twain of marketers.  the, well, sam walton of entrepreneurs.  and i am totally on board with the concept of walmart.

it’s the experience of walmart i struggle with.

i was compelled (i do not use that word lightly…i’m talking some serious duress) to visit my local supercenter a few days ago.  once i procured a parking place (don’t get me started) and fought my way inside the front door, i literally could not get any deeper into the store.  between the mothers loading six children into one cart, mega-million dollar deals taking place via cellphone (they must be mega-million dollar deals…why else would somebody be so completely oblivious to everyone around them?) and spontaneous small-group meetings in the middle of the aisles, i encountered my nemesis, my white whale…

motorized carts.

how many of these things can one store possess? and their movements must be choreographed–otherwise, how can they all be in the same aisle at the same time?  and do the paralyzed pilots think that by sitting in the proximity of an item on the upper shelves and staring at it, they will somehow be able to telekinetically move it into the little basket on the front of their cart?

come to think of it, do those tiny baskets hold more than about two-days-worth of food?  maybe that’s why there are so many motorized carts at each location.

i don’t mean to be unkind, but are these maniacal machines designed for handicapped people, or fat people?

despite my white-hot hatred for motorized carts, i have become convinced that i will one day be forced to use one of these cursed conveyances in my seldom-but-necessary trips to walmart.  the lord, who loves me and is continually growing/stretching me, is amazingly adept at finding new and creative ways to attenuate pride in my life.  of course he is going to take advantage of these electric embarrassments!

maybe someone will invent a way to trailer a conventional shopping cart behind a motorized cart.  then i could really clog up the aisles!





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