one final word on “goodness.” we had a funeral on the church this week so, naturally, my thoughts turned to my own mortality. i am not afraid to die and i don’t care much what most people (there are a few, but very few) think about me. still, this week i wondered (for a fleeting moment) what people would say about me after i died (i know, i have a pride problem). i think the best i could hope for would be for my wife and son to say, “he was a good man.”
well, that might be a problem because i am not good. and i cannot become good. especially with the new insight i have gained from this study. biblical goodness seems like a ridiculous, unattainable goal. still, i refuse to settle for “adequate.” i feel like maybe, if i really apply myself, i might be able to make “adequate.” but “adequate” is not my goal, “good” is my goal. i have come to understand that the only way i can be “good” if there is more of jesus in me than me. it all just seems a little overwhelming.
i have several very good friends that regularly read these humble ramblings and today my thoughts go to you, my brothers. i am more aware than i have ever been of the value you guys have in my life–a worth that cannot be measured or acknowledged. i guess i am trying to say “thank you” for what you mean to me. in my quest toward “goodness,” i realize that i have a chance because i have models and monitors and motivators. i am following some genuinely “good” men and i am intimate with several more who are on the journey with me. i cannot begin to estimate the value of these men, and i cannot properly express my gratitude.
i need to die, guys. will you help me? please continue to help me. i really want to be “good.” i promise i will do my best to faithfully return your investment in me.