a fall foliage furlough (on my flhr)

school’s out this thursday and friday for fall break, so my wife (she’s a teacher) and i are going on a little motorcycle trip with my brother and his wife (even though his bike is cooler than mine).  i’ve already notified my accountability group (we meet on thursdays) and micah (we meet on fridays) and now i’m notifying you, my longsuffering readers.  i probably will not blog again this week.

and i’m terrified that you won’t notice.

several of the blogs i visit every day are only updated occasionally and i’m alright with that.  i realize that people (especially church leaders) live busy lives and if others can’t find time to blog every day, or even regularly, i tend to give them a break (but not you, kevin).  nevertheless, i worry what people will think of me when they click on “your best life later” day after day and find a stale post.  it’s not like i think anyone needs my lame attempts at wit and wisdom, but i suppose i secretly entertain the fantasy that there might be someone somewhere who looks forward to reading my blog, and that they are disappointed when i don’t provide a new post every day.

you might call it insecurity.  i call it pride.

i recognize in me that familiar need for validation.  i tell myself that the reason i blog is to serve the church and i really believe that’s my true motivation.  but i hate the fact i love it when people tell me how much my words help them.  and i hate how much my stats mean to me.  my self-esteem is abraded when i slave over a cleverly-crafted post and no one reads it.  and i doubt my judgment when i request hope for beg for comments and none are forthcoming.  thankfully, as i grow closer to jesus i become less preoccupied by how i am perceived by others.

and, charitable readers, you may be inclined to give me the benefit of the doubt.  ”don’t beat yourself up,” you might say, “we all need affirmation.”  i’ve learned the hard way, though, that the only way jesus can become greater in me is if i become less.  if i really want to be everything jesus wants me to be, i’ve got to get ruthless about denying self. i’ve got to eradicate pride.

so i will be back at this keyboard in a few days.  and i really hope that the lord will use what i write to minister to you, but i will not be writing for stats or accolades or absolution.

i will be writing for jesus.

joy in the dark places

i’m one of the smartest people i know, and even i sometimes get confused.  and it’s no wonder.  we are constantly bombarded with the message, albeit subliminal, that there is something missing in our miserable lives.    if we would just shop at target and drink dos equis and use charmin and drive a lexus, then we would be fulfilled.  and people would think more of us.  and we would smell better.

but if we know jesus, don’t we already smell better?

to me, it comes down to understanding the difference in “happiness” and “joy.”

“happiness” is what everyone in our society is striving for.  it is what they think they want.  ”happiness” was so important to our founding fathers, they listed it as an inalienable right.  but “happiness” is temporary, conditional.  ”happiness” is totally dependent on circumstances.

i’ve run a happiness deficit lately.  but i am overcome with “joy.”

“joy,” you see, is not temporal and it has nothing to do with circumstances.  ”joy” can feel like “happiness,” but it is an attribute of christ that is produced in us by the holy spirit as we cooperate with him.   the beautiful thing about “joy” is that it thrives on trouble and flourishes in aloneness.  i love the following quote by brennan manning in “ruthless trust”:

To be grateful for an unanswered prayer, to give thanks in a state of interior desolation, to trust in the love of God in the face of marvels, cruel circumstances, obscenities, and the commonplaces of life is to whisper a doxology in the darkness.

i am convicted of taking “joy” for granted.  when things get tough for me, rather than celebrating god’s promises and listening carefully for his movement, i whine and complain about my circumstances.  or, worse, doubt his goodness.  but even the most cursory glance at the gospel reminds me of what jesus did for me and of how much i am loved.  i read paul’s list of abuses suffered at the hands of the people he came to save, and i turn the page to find his command to “rejoice!”  i have a thousand times more than everything madison avenue tells my i need–i am fulfilled in my relationship with jesus–and i get to live in heaven forever.  no matter how chaotic life gets, i only have to stop and still my mind and look deep inside of me, any hour of the day or night, and in the midst of the storm i find “joy.”

and i don’t drive a lexus but i do use charmin.

 

i appreciate pastor appreciation

october is “pastor appreciation month.”  this seems to be a very big deal…at least to those who sell christian stuff.  and to pastors.

to be candid, i am very uncomfortable with the concept.  first, because my people are compelled to appreciate me and i do painfully little for which to be appreciated.  and secondly, because i consistently assert that no one in the church is more important than anyone else.  if we have a “pastor appreciation month,” then we are obligated to celebrate “janitor appreciation month” and “the person who makes coffee on sunday morning appreciation month” (although i draw the line at “the person who complains about everything but never lifts a finger to improve anything appreciation month”).

we are currently doing an expository study of 1 corinthians, and paul affirmed this concept pretty clearly in his letter to the believers at corinth:

Each person is given something to do that shows who God is: Everyone gets in on it, everyone benefits. All kinds of things are handed out by the Spirit, and to all kinds of people! The variety is wonderful…The way God designed our bodies is a model for understanding our lives together as a church: every part dependent on every other part, the parts we mention and the parts we don’t, the parts we see and the parts we don’t. If one part hurts, every other part is involved in the hurt, and in the healing. If one part flourishes, every other part enters into the exuberance.  (1 corinthians 12:11, 25-26 the message)

a couple of years ago my whole church family showed up at my house early on a saturday morning.  the men brought a new cedar privacy fence (it must have cost a thousand dollars!) which they put up after tearing down and hauling off my old, falling down fence (which had faithfully served to humiliate me daily in the eyes of my neighbors).   the women brought all kinds of beautiful plants and flowers and began attacking my lifeless, colorless flower beds with gusto.   i spent the morning pouring iced tea and thanking everybody profusely for their kindness toward me.  as i was mowing my lawn this week, i was reminded of that day and the love i felt.  i will never forget it.

i will also never deserve it.

i know pastors who reek of entitlement and take almost any gesture of goodwill for granted.  but i’m sure i speak for the majority of church leaders who say that our reward is in the fulfillment of our calling.  sure we work long hours, and, yes, there are pressures and burdens and heartaches that most people cannot imagine.  but when we see a life changed, when we see a spark of hope come into the eyes of someone who has only known fear and darkness, we are abundantly repaid.  and when we are served by the people we are called to serve, we are overwhelmed by something much heavier than gratitude–humility.

so in recognition of pastor appreciation month, i say “thank you” to the immeasurably special people who call me their pastor.  i am humbled by your affection.  jaycene and i are privileged to serve you.  the one gift i wish for is a greater vocabulary to be able to tell you how much we love you.

trying to comprehend abandonment

paul wilkinson (the canadian book store owner) is a fascinating man and prolific thinker who writes one of the blogs i read every day called “thinking out loud.”  in one of his recent entries, paul asked, “so, what really matters to you right now?”  i responded honestly and succinctly, “abandonment.

that’s what i’m thinking about.  that’s what god is asking of me.

in an email, paul asked me to elaborate so i did.  paul sent a follow-up reply so affirming and thought-provoking, that i am constrained to i share it with you.

I couldn’t help think about the parable of the seeds in what you wrote.   Some sprang up quickly but…  (there’s always a “but”…).   I think the problem is that we operate in a mode that I call “Christianity And.”   It’s Christ and materialism; or Christ and permissiveness; or Christ and status.

There was a religious survey done in a Chinese province once and 87% were Taoist and 86% were Shinto.   Yes, I know, it doesn’t add up to 100% does it?   Turns out one is a religion for living and one is a religion for dying.

Christians do similar things.    We’re Christian And.

man, i wish i could write like that.  thanks, paul, for caring enough to be my virtual friend.

the death and resurrection of a dream

i had a long conversation with david (my youth pastor) last week.  he is frustrated because our church is not bigger, and he brought me a list of things we need to try.  i was encouraged by his perspective, and i was gratified by his passion to expand the kingdom.  but, as you might expect, we have seriously considered (and, in many cases, tried) all the ideas he brought to me.

as an aside, he was very complimentary to me.  he says he is blessed by my ministry, and that many more people should be hearing what i’ve been saying on sundays. awww…

part of what i explained to david is that i have already dealt with these issues on a personal level (that was very easy to write, but very difficult to do).  for years i nurtured big dreams of great “success” (i put “success” in quotes because i’m not referring to real kingdom success, but “success” according to my warped definition).  i wanted to lead a growing church.  i wanted to be admired by my colleagues.  i wanted to be well-known in the christian world.  like i said, putting those dreams to death was a traumatic experience, but god promised the resurrection of a new dream.  god warned me that i would not see great “success” in my lifetime, but i would be used by him to build a bridge for those coming behind me.  the lord assured me if i would continue to challenge the thinking of church people, then i would influence a generation of young ministers following me, and make it easier for them to have more fruitful ministries.

to be completely transparent, sometimes it feels like i’m wasting my life.  but i know i heard from god.  and i know he is faithful.

this past weekend was especially tough.  it was a rainy, drizzly sunday morning in oklahoma, and we had half a crowd.  today (as i do on many mondays), i considered whether i might be a greater asset to the kingdom as a truck driver.  once again, ben arment came through for me.  today on “history in the making” ben writes:

A great vision will never come about unless God goes before you. But keep in mind that sometimes you might be the vessel by which God goes before someone else.

wow.  only thirty words.  and i didn’t have to look up a single one.  but i cannot describe how powerful these words were to me.  this message was absolutely birthed in heaven.  if god continues to send guys like ben arment my way, then i will have the energy and the courage to continue pouring into guys like david.

and perhaps i really will be an asset to the kingdom.

it’s the book club from hell

i don’t know why i do it, but i always do.

when i get a new book (especially one i’ve been eagerly anticipating), i immediately open it and read the first few pages.  i might be about to go into a meeting, or driving home from work, or wrestling croccodiles, or performing surgery, but i simply cannot resist.  it’s like a psychological disorder.  when i get a new book, i just have to “break the seal” as it were.  consequently, i am always struggling with two opposing problems: 1.) after the first few pages i put it aside “for later” because it didn’t immediately address my current state of affairs or capture my interest, or 2.) i hungrily devour it until it is finished.

is anyone else currently reading a dozen books at once?

as i write this i am in real trouble.  yesterday, my barnes & noble order arrived (amazon is much faster, by the way) with miller’s new book, “a million miles in a thousand years” and “the  hole in our gospel” by richard stearns.  a few days ago i was walking through sam’s club and saw pat conroy’s new release “south of broad,” so i surrendered to my impulses and bought it.  my buddy, david, came by the house the other night and dropped off a copy of “forgotten god” by francis chan.

bottom line:  i can’t decide if this is heaven or hell.  pray for me, saints.

could this be it?

it might be my advanced age (i’m 52), but things that used to have no affect on me whatsoever now make me kinda’ sad.

for example, a few weeks ago i was watching the final round of the pga championship on tv, and the announcers started talking about future sites.  they pga has established the venue for their championship all the way through the year 2016 (whistling straits, in case you’re interested).  when i first heard that, though, i felt a little cloud of melancholy wash over me.  i had a sudden sense that the world would not be here in 2016, and i thought of how silly it was for them to plan that far in advance.

our local liquor store owner always has irreverent-yet-clever little sayings on his sign.  he mocks religion (i.e.: “baptists never drink alcohol…in groups”) and i sometimes drive by just to see his latest philosophical offering.  this week, however, his sign read, “in case of rapture we’ll still be open.”  i didn’t laugh.  in fact, i felt quite sad.

the foundational concept of “your best life later” is that, as christ-followers, our hope indemnifies when the world ends.  or when we do.  the apostle said it like this…

Now listen, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money.” Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. (James 4:13-14)

For while we are in this tent, we groan and are burdened, because we do not wish to be unclothed but to be clothed with our heavenly dwelling, so that wht is mortal may be swallowed up by life. (2 corinthians 5:4)

paul refuses to even call this earthly existence “life.”  it’s sub-life…less-than-life.  “life” is what christ-followers will suddenly realize at “the end” (death, the rapture of the church, nuclear winter…however you choose to view it).  and while i am more and more eager to experience “life,” i also drag around an increasingly heavy sense of foreboding about the destiny of some people that i love very much.  my heart’s cry is that i will display the power of god, demonstrate the love of christ, and exhibit the fruit of the spirit.  when words fail, god can make himself real to those around me as i submit myself to him.

do you get the sense that things are wrapping up?

okay, one more “from the email bag” post

you’ll never convince me that leading a small church is not a whole lot more interesting challenging annoying than leading a large church.  ed young could never do what i do.  following is an excerpt from an email i received recently:

The people that run this church need to get a clue on how to treat people.

i wish i could tell you, loving reader, that this type of thing is a rare aberration, but i get them with irritating regularly.  usually when i think things are going well.  and i wish i could tell you that my first impulse is to rejoice, but it’s not.  i confess that my initial reaction is not very spiritual.

in paul’s letter to his young protégé, timothy, i find specific instruction on how i am to respond to these types of distractions:

Refuse to get involved in inane discussions; they always end up in fights. God’s servant must not be argumentative, but a gentle listener and a teacher who keeps cool, working firmly but patiently with those who refuse to obey. (2 timothy 2:23-24)

as i continue to grow in the lord, the most obvious adjustment he is trying to make in me is the development of patience.  as a church leader, i am clearly not allowed to indulge in retribution.  i’ve got to find a way to model kindness and self-control.  the type of thing i’m talking about goes way beyond “turn the other cheek,” or “heaping burning coals.”  god is calling me (very clearly, i might add) to possess and display a calm spirit.  when my mind wants to put the rabble-rouser in their place or withhold my friendship, my heart is compelled to reach out in love and be a “gentle listener.”

wait a minute…i am not suggesting that i have accomplished my mission.  i’m just telling you what the lord has been speaking to me.  to me, the purest sign on a man of god is one who chooses to serve “those who refuse to obey.”

here’s my question:  does that rule apply to my wife, too?

wanna’ get crazy?

in bible study last night we discussed a puzzling passage in mark 3. it seems that jesus had returned to his home base in capernaum (where he had recently healed a great many people) and, just like the last time, the house where he was staying was mobbed.  so much so, the bible says, that jesus and his disciples weren’t even able to eat (i don’t know if i’ve ever been that crowded).

here’s the puzzling part.  mark 3:21 says, “When his family heard about this, they went to take charge of him, for they said, ‘He is out of his mind.’”  we talked about it as a group, but we really couldn’t get why his family–supposedly the people that knew him best and loved him most–thought he was crazy.  what had they heard?  and why the drastic action?

then i remember hearing francis chan recently talking about how the greatest source of discouragement in his life was other believers.  when chan talks about laying his life down and sacrificing all for the sake of the kingdom, it’s not pagans who resist his message.  it’s other christians.  ”calm down francis,” they say, “don’t be so radical…this life you’re describing is just crazy.”

i want to live a life of total abandonment.   i want to be so kingdom-centered that people with earth values think i’m crazy.  i want the people close to me to say, “randy is completely out of touch with real life…perhaps we should have him committed.”

i want to be like jesus.

an open letter to evangelicals

to all my fellow politically-engaged church people:

stop freaking out.  please.

or, if you would rather have a prophetic word from god: “thus saith the lord, ‘freak ye not out’.”

look, i don’t know whether or not president obama is the antichrist and, frankly, i don’t care.  i’m pretty sure that most politicians are greedy and dishonest, and i’m confident that government spending is out of control.  but why does that surprise you?  why are you so angry?  didn’t you read matthew 24 and 2 timothy 3?  didn’t you understand that all this is supposed to happen?

and what do you want me to do?

march?  picket?  vote the bums out?  what if our elected representatives are placed where they are by god himself? if i resist them, then, am i resisting god?  what if god orchestrated all of this as an “end time sign” (as he promised)?  what if president obama is the man god wants in office at this moment in history?  i’m pretty sure the bible still says, “…the Most High is sovereign over the kingdoms of men and gives them to anyone he wishes” (daniel 4:32b).  this teeming, overt anger does not honor christ.

and, by the way, glenn beck is entertaining and compelling but he is not my leader. jesus is.

finally, let’s assume for a moment that current events ARE pointing to the second coming of christ.  of all people, shouldn’t bible-believing christians be the last ones to panic?  shouldn’t we be rejoicing rather than reacting?  shouldn’t we be filled with anticipation rather than anxiety?  after all, paul tells us that an eternal crown is waiting for all of us who “who have longed for his appearing”  (2 timothy 4:8).  if i “long for his appearing,” won’t i be excited about current events that point to the end of time?

my future is secure.  so is my joy.  i’m not looking to washington for deliverance.