tomorrow i will finish teddy’s story. today, i want to talk about something else (and, besides, i sense you may need a break from the drama).
i’ve been a church leader for more than half of my life, but it seems that the more i learn, the less i know. yesterday was the culmination of a hectic week of planning and preparation. it was one of those times where i knew i had a word from god. i wish i could say that every message was like that but its not. in fact, most weeks find me begging god for something timely and beneficial. when i know i’ve heard from god, i can’t wait for sunday and this was one of those occasions. i was pumped.
once the meeting began, though, i had a weird experience. i was talking about my/our tendency to tolerate sin. i realized that i had been taking grace for granted in my own life and i sensed that many in my church family were in the same place. i was broken over my sin and angry at the devil, and i felt myself getting pretty passionate. even though i was sure i was being obedient, i found myself worrying about how i was being received. at the end of the message, we had an incredible response and god was unmistakeably present. still, as i was dismissing the meeting, i apologized for “sounding mad.” i am such a people-pleaser! i am so grateful (and astonished) that god chooses to use me in spite of my shortcomings.
one final thing: after church, i was at the back door greeting people as they were leaving (and handing out suckers…if you’ve been to c.l.a., you know what that’s about). i met several visitors and i was reminded how hard it must be to choose a church home. too, i always wonder what motivated them to visit. how did they hear about us? and what did they think about out fellowship…really? i want more people to come, and i want them to have a great time, but i refuse to get on the marketing merry-go-round (“look at all the stuff we have to offer! our church is better than your church!”). obviously, it makes me feel good when people tell me they come to c.l.a. because of me, but that’s certainly not what we want. god has put together an amazing group of loving, accepting people. they have a great time doing church, and there is not a hint of self-righteousness. i can’t understand why everyone wouldn’t want to go to church with us.
maybe because i’m a boob.
Filed under: christianity, church, religion, spiritual
